There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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