i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Randomize
