I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Randomize
