ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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