He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
