he told me I talked like a deaf person
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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