He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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