I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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