Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
