Whoa Z and x make the same sound
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
