fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
