Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
