she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
