I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
try to milk me bitch
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
