If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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