you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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