I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
