it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
