That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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