did you get engaged???
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
