You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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