My underwear smells like fireworks.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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