Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
