Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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