I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
