alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
