Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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