Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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