I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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