she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
don't judge my taste in strippers
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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