its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
