you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I feel like a drive thru vagina
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
