Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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