And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
