During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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