We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
