I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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