at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize