Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
