Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize