matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
