Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
