I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
