A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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