The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
