yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
