I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
i think my cat just said my name.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize