took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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