Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
