So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
