weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
