After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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