I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
