today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i would one night stand the shit outta him
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize
