that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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