Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
