She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
