Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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