Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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