the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I just had sex on a roof
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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