Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
