So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
