i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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