I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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