I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
