FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
