I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
