just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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