why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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