Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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