I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
