a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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