Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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