You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
