We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
