I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
