using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
